He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
