Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
