: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
