omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
love makes seman taste better
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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