Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I DEMAND FORESKIN
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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