she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
