You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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