your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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