Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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