When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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