make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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