It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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