The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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