Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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