Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
