so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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