Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
