My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
