I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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