The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
