On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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