Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize