I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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