And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
