I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
