I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
