Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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