it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
