Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
