when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
