If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
