Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
