Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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