I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
