Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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