yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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