Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
