the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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