Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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