Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
