yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
