my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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