What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
