But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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