i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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