Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
