would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
