Do you still have your period?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
