The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
