As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You're like the curious george of whores
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
