Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
