What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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