hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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