Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
