Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
