Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
