Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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