whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
