Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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