rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
