he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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