he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised