It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
