You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.