you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES