once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
