I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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