Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
