I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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