I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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