just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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