my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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