I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
