Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My vagina just recognized that song.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
