My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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