Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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