Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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