New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
