dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
