i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
