i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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