i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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