ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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