We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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