I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
