I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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