'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
